It’s wild cuz I feel like i recieve love more than most by those that I know wherever i am, and wherever i go; however, i feel like i also feel alone more than most no matter what im doing, and who im with. Maybe its some sick masochist cycle perpetuated by my desire to feel comfortable with the devil i already know which be pain, being alone, etc. i have desires of being loved, loving, maybe im getting in my own way? Its like a dance, although it often feels like a war im fighting with myself. If the things that I want, and so deeply desire for myself are so easily obtainable, then whats the problem? I could write a list. Is it my standards? My ego? My drive to be better perhaps, and not thinking that I deserve something kr someone good? Maybe its my oast, and I just bavent quite let go yet. Maybe its all of it, or maybe its none of it. I couldn’t tell you.