I’ve never felt such harrowing despair in my life. I’m stricken and blind with so much grief that if someone handed me a loaded gun in that moment I would have gladly taken it and ended it all without a second thought or a moment’s hesitation. And it was troubling that the thought of dying didn’t faze me or frighten me one bit. I’m sick to my stomach with the thought of going on without Dean. Especially when I know I can be with him, when I know he’s probably waiting for me. I want to tear apart everything around me, until there’s nothing left, just like my insides. I’m surrounded by people who love me, yet I’ve never felt so lonely and broken.
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