Church āFit Check šā¬ļø Right now, I have a (sometimes lofty) daily goal: to get myself dressed - out of the sweats and into clothes that make me feel alive again. For years, Iāve avoided it. Grief is heavy, and my body looks completely different than it used to. Itās hard to recognize myself sometimes, and Iāve been guilty of holding onto clothes ājust in case.ā Instead of embracing where I am now, I kept reaching for sweats, avoiding the simple act of replacing old jeans with ones that actually fit this (perfectly wonderful) version of me. You may have heard of the phrase āget your pink back.ā Itās a reference to the way flamingo mothers lose their vibrant color for a time as they lovingly give so much of themselves for their babies. They then get their pink back with time. Iāve always resonated deeply with this. After my first two babies, it took me about 18 months to feel like myself again. But after birthing three children and grieving the loss of our second, Iāve realized somethingā¦ I donāt want to wait anymore. Iām not waiting 18 months to feel good again. I want to nourish my body, mind, and spirit now. And while getting dressed each day might seem small or even silly, itās one of the things thatās helping me feel like me again. A newer version of me. I donāt recognize myself in old pictures, and maybe Iām not supposed to. That version of me was beautiful, but so is this one. This version has lived through so much, and sheās bound to look different. And thatās okay. The other thing helping me feel alive? Realizing that what will ultimately ābring my pink backā is seeing the ways that motherhood has made my life fuller, richer, more vibrant than ever. Their love, their laughter, their presence - itās all a gift coloring my world in ways I never expected.
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