Breaking News: Antidepressant Withdrawal? Never Heard of It! In a shocking turn of events, scientists have discovered that the moment you mention antidepressant withdrawal, people’s ears spontaneously close like a government official facing a Big Pharma lobbying meeting. "It’s incredible," said Dr. Notonmywatch, head of the Institute for Inconvenient Truths. "We tried discussing the severe withdrawal symptoms—brain zaps, suicidal thoughts, nervous system chaos—but everyone just started humming loudly and pretending to check their phones." Meanwhile, pharmaceutical executives were seen high-fiving government officials over steak dinners, celebrating another record-breaking quarter. "People think we just sell meds," one anonymous exec chuckled. "But our real product is lifetime customers. Discontinuation syndrome? Oh no, that’s just relapsing depression—definitely not because we altered brain chemistry with no exit strategy!" Experts recommend discussing this issue in public only if you’re prepared to be labeled a conspiracy theorist, "off your meds," or a danger to the sacred doctrine of "trust the science" (but only the kind that keeps shareholders happy).
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