Trigger warning!!! . . . . . The 29th made 4 months since I stood in your doorway and what I saw made my knees weak. In that moment my brain could not comprehend what I was seeing. Moments later I let out a scream and I ran to you praying to God to let you be ok. In my worry, and shock my legs felt like they would not hold me. I remember your face. You had been crying because your mascara was smudged beneath your lashes. The tears you cried had washed away the foundation you never needed because your skin was flawless. Your lips had lost their color and your face swollen, the appearance of popped blood vessels were scattered across your beautiful face. You always think you know what you would do in a situation like this but my brain was so lost. I couldn’t think straight because the shock of seeing you like that just couldn’t be real. I will forever wonder if those few moments I couldn’t get my body to function cost you your life. Could I have saved you? What if I had gotten there sooner? Holding you those few days later, I traced your beautiful face with my finger, memorized every freckle and breathed you in. The hair holds one’s scent, even a few days in a hospital can’t erase. There are times I lay in your bed and bury my face in your pillow to smell your scent. My beautiful girl how did you not know how loved you were. How could you not see how much you meant to me and everyone else that loved you. You were radiant, beautifully unique and the most genuine soul I have ever known. You deserved the world and I wish I could have given it to you. 4 months and my heart still can’t cope without you. I love you forever til the day I see you again 🩷
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