13 years vs 2 weeks. Lucky 13 today. I had top surgery 13 years ago. My top surgery is a teenager. I was a teenager when I got it done, freshly 18. I had horrible life-threatening dysphoria before top surgery. I lived in a sweaty chest binder and baggy clothes, struggling to catch my breath literally and mentally for (luckily only) 4 years. Gender-affirming care saved my life. Like it does for so many trans folks. It’s been 13 years. I’ve never had a single regret. I only wish I could have done it sooner (parents made me wait). I didn’t want to take photos today. I haven’t taken shirtless pictures in months. The photos showing my chest and scars this year are mostly photos people took of me at shows. I have a lot of illnesses right now (Lyme coinfections, autoimmune crap, SIBO, the list goes on). And a lot of inflammation. So I didn’t particularly want to take a photo, but then I thought I’d be sad next year if I didn’t continue the tradition. And more importantly, I need to let people know that I was only 18, a kid, when I got surgery, and it saved me. GENDER AFFIRMING CARE SAVES LIVES. How could I miss lucky 13? It’s my favorite number. This past xmas I opened up this knitted 🏳️⚧️ flag. My amazing mother-in-law made this for me. I still tear up, thinking about how big of a gesture this gift is. And how when I read her card and saw this blanket, so many years of youth/family trauma dissipated. This is one of the greatest gifts I have received in my life. It symbolizes unconditional love and support. It tells me I am seen. It tells me I am loved as I am. It tells me that being trans is beautiful. And I need those reminders. Even this long into my transition, I still catch myself thinking, “I’m trans; how could someone love me?” This blanket shows me I am loved. I didn’t have to do anything to be loved and supported. I just had to show up and be myself. I am proud to be trans. I’m proud to be out this long. I’m proud to be documenting my transition this long. We are headed into dark times. But we’ve been through dark times before. We’ve existed before them. We exist through them. And we will exist long after them. Trans people are forever. Forever and ever, amen.
#transgender #genderaffirmingcare #topsurgery #transmasc #transman #ftm #transpride #lgbtq