Jealousy. It is hard for me to even admit that after my husband died that one of the emotions I felt intensely, was jealousy. But I've learned that grief is messy, tricky, and complex like that. I remember specifically the first Memorial Day after my late husband, Ryan's, death how jealous and enraged I felt looking online at all the pictures of intact families celebrating the holiday. There were children playing on the beach and in the ocean with their parents. Smiling, laughing, barbequing, and creating happy memories. And it all made me want to throw my phone against a wall, because that is what I had in my life before loss. I couldn't look at smiling couples, especially with children, for a long time without feeling that pang of jealousy rise up inside of me. And it is normal to feel this way, although we feel pretty crappy when we are in the midst of feeling jealous over looking at happy families. It made me feel like a bad person for a while but it makes so much sense now. When Ryan died, we had lost someone precious to us forever. Our family will never look or feel the same. The jealousy you may feel stems from grieving what you once had which now does not exist and can never exist in the same form. Happy families are a harsh reminder of what you lost. If you're struggling with the many intense and often confusing array of emotions attached to your grief and are looking for support, see below to learn how to take the next step to learn more about how grief coaching can help you. . . . 💌DM "Support" for 1:1 grief support 💌DM "Retreat" for my widow's retreat 💌DM "Carried" to preorder my 2nd book 💌DM "Running " for my book 💌DM "Email" to sign up for my list . . .
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