gottman hashtag performance
The TikTok hashtag #gottman focuses on relationships, love, communication, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, intimacy, connection, couples therapy, research-based tips, healthy partnerships, trust, bonding, understanding, advice, coaching, psychology, and personal growth.
27.7k
After 20 years in private practice, here’s why I suggest couples NOT to go to counseling Obviously I believe in the value of therapy. Yet it can make things worse. Here’s why. A common couple coming to me for therapy, are both HURTING and their tanks are on EMPTY. Things have gotten bad enough that one partner drags them into counseling. Therapy begins! We expose the wounds. We begin the process of healing. 🥳 And these two worn out, hurting humans are pulled even deeper into their pain. Like a Dr. needing to clean out a wound before stitching it shut, this is necessary yet it HURTS LIKE HELL. Here’s the problem. Therapy Increases the pain, and then asks for more effort, from two people who are running on empty to begin with. The couple needs ways to REFILL THEIR TANKS so they can do the work of healing. To see this happen I give them a 30 day experience that is easy, focuses on making positive deposits into each person’s tank, and doesn’t take hours of time each week. For 30 days, they receive an activity via email that builds the relationship, takes about 10 minutes to accomplish, and leaves them both more connected, hopeful, and with energy to give to the process of healing. The good news is this 30 day journey will help ANY couple, whether you’re in therapy or not. It helps fill both of your tanks so you have more to give to the relationship. So whether your relationship is in crisis or you’re simply wanting to make a good relationship even better, this 30 day challenge will fill both your tanks and deepen your connection. If you want to change your relationship in 2025 see the link in my bio to learn more about this 30 day couples challenge. The sign up closes December 30. Sign up today. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
6.3k
At times it’s best to stop talking about the problems and find a simple plan that will help you take action to bring about change. Wherever your relationship is at, I have a couples challenge that I use in my private practice that can help you move towards a better relationship. You’ll receive daily emails with a simple activity. They take about 10 minutes to complete and focus on building positive moments of connection. If you want to see your relationship change in 2025 see the link in my bio to get more information and sign up. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
4.4k
This tension, one partner fighting the build the relationship while the other is more hesitant, is both common and maddening for both people. One way around this is to focus on a simple and positive plan to grow the relationship. The hesitant partner usually fears or tries to avoid conflict or messy issues. Offering them a positive and enjoyable way to engage gives them a easier first step to take. If this piques your interest, I use a 30 day couples challenge with the clients in my private practice. It gives them 30 days of simple activities to build positive moments of connection. It takes about 10 minutes a day so it can fit into any schedule. I’ll be closing the sign up on December 30th. If you want to learn more see the link in my bio. #marriage #Relationship #relationships #couples #couple #marriageadvice #healthyrelationships #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couplesgoals #relationshipadvice #relationshipgoals #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #newyears #newyearsresolution
3.5k
Ready to “fill your cup”? I have a 30 day couples challenge that I use in my private practice. It helps a couple build connection, increase intimacy and makes problems easier to deal with. You’ll receive a daily email with a simple activity. Each activity takes about 10 minutes to complete and focuses on positive ways to grow your relationship. If you want to see your relationship change in 2025 see the link in my bio to get more information and sign up. The challenge begins January 2. I’ll be closing the sign up December 30. Don’t miss your chance to join. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
3.1k
If you want a simple plan that gives your relationship a strong foundation for decades see the link in my bio. I use this couples challenge with my clients to help them lay a positive and intimate foundation in their relationship. It’s helped couples come back from the brink at that 8 year mark and will help you avoid things reaching that point. Sign up closes on December 30. Don’t miss your chance to do something good for your relationship. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
2.7k
Here’s an idea. Take any problem in your relationship and ask yourself and your partner three questions: 👉 Is there a skill I was never taught or had modeled for me that is causing this problem? A few examples: - communication skills - emotional regulation - empathy (yes this is a skill that we learn, in part by receiving it as children) - self-disciple (oh the long list of relationship problems this can cause!) 👉 is there some hurt from my past that contributes to this problem? TIP: don’t just think about bad things that have happened. Those will be obvious. Also pay attention to good things you needed but were never given. For example, unconditional love. We all need it as kids. It’s harder to see its absence but that doesn’t blunt the damage of not having it. 👉 Is there something I need from my partner to solve this problem? Again, go beneath the surface. If the problem is a lack of bedroom intimacy, the answer is deeper than “I need my partner to have a higher libido”. At a deeper level you may need your partner to treat this issue as something worthy of time and effort to solve. These three questions will reveal some of the deeper issues that lead to the problem, and are likely the things preventing things from changing. Deal with these deeper issues and you’re heading towards the real change you both want. Relationships can be hard but you can bring about change. You got this! #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipproblems #relationshiptips #relationshipadvice #mensmentalhealth #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #relationshipgoals #divorce #change #couplestiktok#
2.5k
The fact that you can’t change or control your partner doesn’t mean you stay in an unhealthy place. Start by changing what you can from your side of things, but if they continue to behave in unhealthy or damaging ways at some point you need to say the following. “I want us to work. I’ve been working hard to make that happen from my end of things. I’m open to doing more and hearing additional things you think I could be doing BUT I need to see some changes from your side. If that doesn’t happen there are going to be some consequences that I desperately want to avoid.” Be prepared for them to say “So you’re giving me an ultimatum” or something similar. If they do, simply say, “No, this isn’t an ultimatum. But it is a warning. If things don’t change there are some negative outcomes that I believe will be unavoidable. I am wanting to work with you to make sure that doesn’t happen but I can’t do it alone.” It’s no different than so many areas of life. If you don’t invest in your physical health it will decline. Telling your partner that drinking a 6 pack of beer every day and eating nothing but fast food will have consequences isn’t an ultimatum. It’s you giving them a loving warning that their behaviors WILL have consequences if they don’t make some changes. #datingtips #couples #relationshipcoach #gottman #marriage #relationships #couplegoals #relationshipgoals
1.5k
Relationships will hit hard seasons but you can make it through to a better place. It's extremely hard to do so if you're partner puts all the responsibility on you to fix things. If you find that happening say the following, "I fully agree there are things on my end that need to change. I'm putting in the effort to see that happen. Yet we both have power to change this relationship. Would you be open to hearing some things that I think would help us from your side of things?" Asking permission to give them input makes it clear they have a choice to make rather than them feeling pressured by you. It lets them know they have both a power and responsibility for the relationship. If they say "no", tell them, "That's ok. I can't force you to change or engage but I don't think either of us are going to get what we need if we both don't put in the effort." Don't get sucked into a fight or argument about it. They may bait you into one to try to get away from the discomfort of you highlighting they're responsibility. Calmly hold your ground and say, "I'm not looking to fight with you about this. I believe both of us will need to do some work to help our relationship change. If you don't agree or don't want to do that, I'm not going to try to force you into it." #marriage #relationships #relationshipgoals #couplegoals #couple #gottman #relationshipcoach #marriageadvice #couples #Relationship #relationshipadvice #growthmindset #couplesgoals
1.4k
This IS not easy but it’s a deeply powerful thing you can do to build a good relationship. It takes courage. You may have to face a painful response. It takes humility. Owning your mistakes is not easy, even more so if your partner has been unwilling to own theirs. Yet it’s one of the powerful things *within your control* that can help change the relationship. #marriage #relationships #relationshipgoals #couplegoals #couple #gottman #relationshipcoach
1.3k
Making this shift has made it easier for couples to work through the “hard stuff”. It’s helped them stay connected to one another It’s given them “good” moments together that help motivate them to tackle their issues. It gives a “reluctant partner” an easy starting point to growing the relationship. If this sounds appealing, see the link in my bio. I’ll send you the 30 day couples challenge I’ve been using with my clients. It makes building these good moments easy and fits into even the busiest of schedules. Sign up closes December 30. Don’t miss your chance to sign up. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
1.3k
This will sound odd, but stop talking about the problems (for a time) Instead, focus on doing things that build connection: - Express appreciation - Show affection - GIve your partner your full attention - Be curious about their life, hopes, challenges, and desires - Make space for fun and romance. Give the relationship the same attention and care that you did when you first started dating. Now this isn’t easy if the “problems” have built up. Yet, dealing with the problems isn’t a walk in the park either. Focus on building positive experiences and you’ll find the problems are easier to deal with. Do this for 30 to 90 days and then dive back into the problems. If you want a simple way to do this, I have a 30 day couples challenge that will guide you through the process. It’s something I’ve started using with the couples in my private practice. They’ve loved it and have told me it’s made the “hard” work in therapy easier to do. If you want to start 2025 by building this positive foundation see the link in my bio. The couples challenge starts January 2. I’ll be closing the sign up on December 30. Don’t miss your chance to have this relationship changing experience. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
1.2k
All relationships face moments of conflict. How we handle them can create damage or build intimacy and connection. In your next argument, here are some additional tips to avoid damaging the relationship. 👉 Attack the problem not the person. If you make your partner’s character or personality the problem you’ll almost always get a defensive response. Avoid statements that start with “You are so Instead focus on the behaviors. Lean towards statements like “When you do _____ it leaves me feeling _______. Could we find some way to change this dynamic?” 👉 stay connected during conflict. Researchers John and Julie Gottman have found that successful couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict. Positive interactions during an argument can include - self deprecating jokes - affirming you care and want to work through this - validating their perspective even if you don’t agree with it. - apologizing for what you can - warm non-verbal communication: a gentle touch, open posture, soft eye contact Conflict will happen. It isn’t easy but doesn’t need to create damage. If you want more help for your relationship see the link in my bio. #healthyrelationships #datingtips #couples #gottman #relationshipcoach #marriage #relationships #couplegoals #couple
1.2k
A reason your partner may be unwilling to change is it’s a hard, painful, and frightening process to do so. A related obstacle, is they may have no idea how to do so even if they could muster up the courage to face the difficulty. This doesn’t excuse them from the need to change or tackle hard issues. BUT sometimes a better starting point is to focus on doing things that are easier and more positive. Do things that increase connection and fun in the relationship. This helps build the positive foundation you need to tackle harder issues. If you have a million ideas on how to do this, then have at it! If like many people, it would be helpful to have a simple plan to follow, one that takes the guess work out of what to do, see the link in my bio. I’ll send you a link to the 30 day challenge I use with my clients. The sign up closes December 30. Sign up today. #healthyrelationships #marriageadvice #gottman #datingtips #relationshipcoach #couples #healthycouple #couplesgoals #marriage #relationships #Relationship #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #relationshipgoals #relationshiptips #divorce #breakup #emotionalintelligence #growthmindset #couple #couplegoals #couplelove #couplevideos
934.0
Contempt is the silent killer of your marriage. It slowly chips away, leaving you feeling disconnected and unappreciated. If you're stuck in a cycle of sarcasm, mockery, embarrassment, or criticism in your marriage, you don’t have to stay stuck there. In *The Wife Project: From Roommates to Soulmates*, I’ll guide you through simple, powerful shifts to restore respect and deepen your connection. #marriagetips #contempt #gottman #gottmaninstitute #datingtips #marriageadvice
908.0
So how do you care for your unmet needs and not put all or most of that job on your partner? Two ways. First, who are the other people you can turn to, IN ADDITION, to your partner, who can speak to this need. For years I struggled to believe in myself. I doubted I had what it took to succeed in most areas of life. My partner helped to address this need BUT I also had a group of friends I could turn to when I was struggling. It was vulnerable as hell, but there would be times I’d call one of these friends and say, “Can you remind me that I have what it takes to succeed?” Getting this affirmation from my friends AND from my partner helped to not put too much of the weight on any one person. Second, you can address the need inside yourself. Literally speak to yourself in third person. Yeah I know that sounds strange but there’s some solid research that supports this. In the example I gave, I’d say to myself, “Jon, I know you're feeling insecure right now. I know you doubt you have the power to make a difference. I want to remind you of all the times you have moved with power. (I’d give myself real examples). Don’t let yourself sink into this belief that you don’t have what it takes. You can do this. Get after it!” This internal dialogue may feel strange at first, but if you practice it over time you’ll find that you have much more power to speak to your own needs, to offer yourself comfort and reassurance then you ever knew. An easy way to begin is to do this in writing. Imagine your writing the script to a play. Then write out this conversation with yourself with two different characters speaking, You and the voice speaking to you in third person. #marriage #relationships #relationshipgoals #couplegoals #couple #gottman #relationshipcoach #marriageadvice #couples #Relationship #relationshipadvice #growthmindset #emotionalintelligence
853.0
My clients will tell you I’m pro-marriage. I believe relationships, especially marriages are worth fighting for. I believe we far to casually set them aside and then convince ourselves the consequences to ourselves and most importantly our children aren’t that bad. Yes, there IS a time to end a failing marriage. But before you do, ask why would your marriage be worth fighting for? The answers from 50 years ago don’t make sense today. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t real and deep answers worth considering. So whether your considering marriage or currently in one, get clear about WHY it’s something worth fighting for. If you don’t have a clear and motivating answer you’re setting yourself up for a painful and costly outcome. #datingtips #relationshipcoach #gottman #relationships #couplegoals #marriage #relationshipgoals #couple #Relationship #couplesgoals #divorce #relationshiptips
739.0
385.0
My soulmate. 🖤 the world pulls and pulls and tries to drag us apart, but what God has joined, let no man separate. 🙏🏼 #soulmate #marriagebook #christianmarriage #author #dbyohd #dontburnyourownhousedown #soulmateaudio #gottman #franklintn
375.0
💍 Marriage Books: 1️⃣ The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - John Gottman 2️⃣ What Makes Love Last? - John Gottman 3️⃣ Eight Dates - John & Julie Gottman 👶 Parenting Books: 1️⃣ How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish 2️⃣ How to Talk When Kids Won’t Listen - Joanna Faber & Julie King 3️⃣ Siblings Without Rivalry - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish 📚 Thank you for supporting me in sharing these resources. The work you’re doing to strengthen your partnerships and parenting is so important—it truly has the power to change the world. Keep going; you’ve got this!” #tiktokban #parentingtips #gottman
start an influencer campaign that drives genuine engagement
Technology
Fastest Growing